im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
and she was petting her beer can
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
