Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
