I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
