My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
