you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
