Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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