You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
