After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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