wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
you made out with another girl for some wings
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
