so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Randomize
