i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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