But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
