Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
