do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
