How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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