nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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