Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
