He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
