FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
