broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
