apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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