last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
