I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
