I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
They are going to name an STD after you.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
