Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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