See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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