btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize
