Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize
