Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
