just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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