I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
