So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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