woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
