Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
