ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
