do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
