Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
