I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
