Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
