I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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