ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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