That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
