grandma shit on top of the toilet
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
