At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
