then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
