i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
