He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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