I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
