We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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