Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
