I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
