I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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