I'm going to rape someone's good day.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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