An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
