And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
