mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
