Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
