I think I just saw someone hide a body.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
