Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
