i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Houston, we have a squirter
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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