I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
