1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
organizing the empties. That sober.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
