sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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