Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
