he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
