she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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