we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
