Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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