K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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