I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
