I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I FOUND THE LEGS
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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