I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Who died my cat blue again?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
