for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
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