I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Randomize
