my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
