just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
